The clock struck 9:11
Chari Hebbar was loitering around his Editor’s cabin. He looked anxious. Though his satires were the best in the country, his job was constantly under interference by his Editor boss, a certain Ms.Alka Eda. A funny name for a terrifying woman.
Chari was in his usual dhoti and white shirt,further complemented by a dark blue blazer of the Nehruian era. He brought the vogue back to this era even before the tea-wallah started flaunting it out in his foreign trips promising good days. Warnings and interference from Ms. Alka Eda were a thing of common occurance to Chari Hebbar, but due to recent turnaround of events he was really worried. His judgement day atlast arrived as he was called in to her cabin.
“Listen Charlie, you do know what happened in France right? I order you to listen to the things that I’m going to dictate now.”
Such a typical Alka Eda behaviour, dictating her own terms with no ears to listen to others. Chari gave her a curt nod, not of respect but of fear.
“You’re not going to write anything about Gods and religions! Not of Islam,not of Christianity, not of Hinduism, not of Modi, not of Sachin, not of any god. Insulting faith is like insulting your mom, don’t you feel like attacking the other person?”
Chari chuckled. He’s now barred from writing about 33 crore Hindu gods plus two gods of other two religions plus the two socio-gods in the size of hobbits ( no one is short, all are hobbits) That’s 33 crore and a four missed ideas to write about. Moreover this religious lady is quoting things out of context just like the white clad leader residing near Rome. None understands that one man’s prophet is the other man’s profit.
“Don’t write about politics. Neither about hands, flowers and broomsticks. I shall fire you if you mention the words coals, chit funds and lands! Never use two Gs in a single word. And you shall never address your family members as Amma and Didi, do you get it?”
Chari was amused and shocked. He can no longer poli-tickle his readers. From henceforth UP and Bihar shall be the ideal states for the civilized and West Bengal the business hub and press abode of India. Speaking of ironies, the Blue Turbanator shall start talking and the scion of India’s grand old party shall appear to make sense.
“Even if SRK’s films appear illogical and dumb you shall blame it on the weather. If India loses a cricket match then you shall blame it on the bad quality of food being served by the team hotel. Any crime that takes place in our country is due to our neighbours. You shall not be satirical at any cost and make fun, do you get it? “, she barked.
Chari had smile on his face. It was worthless arguing to someone like Ms.Alka Eda. Freedom of press headlined by our pens cannot match the ruthlessness of guns. Whoever said pen is mightier than the sword wouldn’t have certainly heard about AK-47s.
” Then you suggest me to write about fat and short a potato is?” quipped Chari.
” Well you can write about how potatoes are short and fat, if Nithin Gadkari and Lalu Prasad Yadav feel that you’re not indirectly mocking them. But be wary the farmers who might feel offeneded”
Chari hung his head and replied “Okay I shall write about potatoes”.
But before he could continue any longer, a group of men proclaiming themselves to be the righteous defenders of the farmers’ faith, entered the room and gunned down Chari. They disappeared, carrying the air of freedom along with them.
All this happened in a Jiffy and Chari Hebbar, the nation’s beloved Satirist is now dead. It took few seconds for Ms. Alka Eda to recover herself from the shock. She switches on her laptop, logs on to her Facebook profile and updates her status.
26 of her friends hit the like button under eleven minutes for her status saying “Charlie Hebbar dies in the presence of Alka Eda. RIP” with the hashtag ” #Je Suis Potato”
The Doctrine Of Lassi 